Dec. 23… later in the day. (What happened earlier in the day.)

I’m walking in a haze.  My eyes aren’t truly focusing unless I’m concentrating on something.  The voices and sounds around me jumble all together.

An hour later I’m walking around like nothing in my world has changed.  There is no thought of pregnancy swishing around in my head.  I’m functioning as if that plus sign had never happened.

Thirty minutes later I‘m in a haze again.

Back and forth like that I go.

My mom called.  My dad has decided to cancel their trip because of a snow storm moving into both Colorado and Nebraska.  I’m as sad as I am relieved.  I cry because I miss my parents.  I haven’t been with my family on Christmas in years due to my work schedule and/or our holiday schedule with the boys in regards to when their mother has them.  I cry in relief that I won’t be going through this pregnancy-whatever while my mom is here.  I’m still not convinced the test is right.  If the next test is negative I’m not sure how I will react. Numb? Depression? Nothing at all because the world is upright again and I’m back to believing I will need medical help to get pregnant?  All of which I cannot go through with my mother with me.

I’m also very nauseous.  All food looks bad, yet I’m hungry, yet the moment I actually swallow my stomach revolts.  I’ve been like this for weeks though since being on a round of antibiotics for a bacterial infection.  The antibiotics truly messed with my stomach and my stomach hasn’t gotten back to normal yet.  But, now I wonder, has all this nausea been early signs of pregnancy? A form of morning sickness?

By now I’m at work.  I have no idea what I’ve been doing really.  Shawn’s at work too.  Over g-chat I tell him how nauseous I am.  He tells me it’s all in my head.  Maybe it is.  I’m definitely in a state of shock.  I bet a continual state of shock can mess up an already sensitive stomach.

Later I see Shawn has sent me another g-chat message.  He’s asking when my last cycle was.  “Your last period started day before Thanksgiving, right?” 

“Yeah, I think.  I don’t know.” I respond.  I’m usually so good with those dates.  They’re on a calendar at home and everything.  For the life of me I can’t remember now though.  (When we got home I checked the calendar and Shawn was right.)

His next message is a link to a due date and conception calculator.  Estimated conception: Dec. 9.  Estimated due date: September 1st.

“See the conception date?” he asks.

“Yes, you’re birthday!”

It must be fate and it actually makes it feel a little more real, like God’s blessing on a special date.  So Happy Birthday Husband and Merry Christmas to us!